So where is the manual for this little bundle of "Joy" that I brought home from the hospital two months ago??? I know there are tons of mom's out there and still no manual! SLACKERS! Just kidding, I wouldn't have time to write a manual either, not with the amount of time I have left after changing diapers, swaddling, "shhhshing", rocking, worrying, dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and trying to sleep every once in a while. Who has the time? Not I! I am having a really rough couple days and I just can't seem to get out of this hole I have managed to dig myself. I feel really frustrated with everything and I just don't know how to care for Linc. I don't know when he needs to sleep, when he wants to play, when he just wants to cry... I can't figure him out. In the two months I have had him I don't think he has done the same thing twice from day to day and it is frustrating. I am a scheduled person by nature but he is blowing my schedule to little bitty bits. I have tried to gain normalcy to no avail and I think I have finally reached the "I give up" stage. I feel very defeated, very tired and almost hopeless. There are so many ups and downs with Linc, one week is great, the next horrible, then a good day followed by a terrible day. He sleeps through the night one night and wakes up three times the next. What is going on!!?? Can anyone find me a "Lincoln William Harris Handbook: The Guide to an Anything But Scheduled Baby". I have come to think I cannot handle two children, I cannot handle one. I guess I should look long term, everyone says this will not last but I really miss being a joyful person, how do I get that back?? I feel like a drag, a sad and frustrated drag. Last week was not the best and perhaps that is why I am so down. I was expecting fun and happiness but Lincoln once again blew up my expectations and provided me a week of the usual crying and fussing inconsolably. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby and I would never trade him, even for a not fussy baby but I can honestly say that I am not having the time of my life. This is not fun. It is a struggle every day to smile and play with Linc when all I want to do is sleep and clean and eat anything (my diet is killing me, it must really stink to die of starvation)!
A look into the future: I CANNOT wait;
To go to Lincoln's annual school Christmas program and watch him "sing" with all of the other kids.
For his first words and all of the absolutely hilarious and possibly embarrassing things he will say.
I just can't wait for next summer when Levi and I take him on our family camping trip up the Smith River. It really isn't too far away... I just have tunnel vision at this point.
To see him take his first steps, or crawl
There are so many things to look forward to... someone help me to remember that! Alright, that feels better. Now I can start building my ladder to get out of this hole :0)
3 comments:
Well, you will have GREAT pictures to look back on when Linc is older and this hard time is past!! Your new blog template is BEAUTIFUL, as are all of the baby pics you've been snapping lately! You'll have to e-mail me about how to set up the "pictures flying in on top of each other thing"; I love it! ...you know, in all your free time... ;0)
Love,
Jamie :0)
I will try to reach down that hole and pull you up......You do not have to die of starvation, simply pay attention to what you eat. If it causes adult gas, Lincoln will get gas. Eat a small piece of dark chocolate - it makes your milk richer and more satisfying. Most of all remember your manual is always right there with you - God knows how to handle Lincoln - just let him!! Turning your babies over to God is the hardest thing a Mom can do, also the very best thing for them. I love you and will pray extra hard for a good day with Lincoln.
Love your new header too...beautiful! :) And, love the pic of Linc in it too! :) :)
There are soo many things to look forward too...that is the best thing you can do - remind yourself this is a season and much much richer times are on your horizon...each day is one more day closer to those wonderful things you have on your list of things to look forward too...here's a few more...
*When he'll say, "I love you mom!"
*When he'll want to snuggle in the morning
*When he'll walk his first steps and look at you beaming with pride
*When he'll thank you for being such a great mom
*When he'll laugh just to make you laugh
*When he'll ask you "How's your day mom?"
*When he heads off for his first day of school and doesn't even look back
There are soo many times to look forward too! Think of things that are true, pure, lovely, admirable, praiseworthy and the God of peace will guard your heart and mind!! We love you and continue to pray for you!!
P.S...and thanks Teri for the dark chocolate tip...YUMMY - more reasons to eat chocolate! :)
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