A Little Light

So after and eventful Thanksgiving Day, Lincoln was not feeling well, I finally had a little light to brighten my somewhat downhearted outlook. Lincoln and I spent the whole day together just him and I and he was great. I was able to figure out what he needed and when he needed it, no frustrating crying spells to leave me feeling incapable of soothing him. It was just what I needed to give me a boost of mothering confidence. It is harder than I thought to keep that confidence up despite the fact that I know I can't help his stomach problem any more than changing my diet. I can only hope that the changes I have been making are already helping. I think that all of the stress and physical pain has left me a little susceptible to feeling the baby blues. I have just felt sad when I know I should be in my element as a mother, after all that is what I was designed to do. It is hard to acknowledge my feelings of disappointment, sadness and uncertainty surrounding motherhood because Lincoln is so beautiful and I know, cerebrally, I should be so happy to have such a healthy child. Yet emotionally I am torn because I am, for the most part, unable to console him and make his hurt go away which instigates those feelings of failure. I know, I know it isn't my fault but it is still hard to hear my baby cry.

So enough feeling down, it is time to be thankful! I am SO thankful for a wonderful day with my baby and for the wonderful support my families have provided. There are so many things for me to be thankful for. Lincoln is an amazing gift, so unique and full of character. Those of you who have been able to to see him when he feels well know that he has so many faces and is starting to talk a little by making cute little baby sounds. I am so thankful for Levi. He takes over for me when I can't handle it anymore and he just keeps on telling and reassuring me that is isn't my mothering that is making Lincoln cry. He has been great! I am very thankful for a great support group right in my own neighborhood. I know I can count on my friends and neighbors and they continually check on me and make sure I am taken care of. They all love Lincoln and have been such a huge part of his life during this hard time. Levi and I have relied on them to keep us going! Above all I am thankful for my God. I can pray any time and I know someone hears me and understands. He is teaching me many things through all of this and creating more character in me. I think I am going through a lesson in patience and persistence, two of my most lacking qualities! Hopefully soon I will be overflowing with those things :0)

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday and have as much to be thankful about as I do!

P.S. for those of you who have never witnessed the wonders of high velocity poo, I managed to catch a few war zone pics to give you a good idea of what can happen! Yep that is my sleeve, I left out the pictures of my sock and the mat he was on when he discharged his fire arm!!